There is a pervasive idea that a law enforcement officer's spouse or girlfriend is supposed to be their strength behind the scenes. The messaging is that it is our job to work really hard to make his life easier by doing all the housework, taking care of the kids/doctor appointments/social events, etc. The messaging also tells us that we are to. be strong enough to manage and survive one our own when he is out there fighting evil. One of the terms I have seen on social media that we are "the shadow behind the badge". Before I go further, if this messaging is inspiring to you and feels good, then cheers to you and continue using it for your benefit! I have found through coaching several clients on this idea that this way of thinking often feels terrible. We feel resentful that our spouse gets to be a hero and we judge ourselves as a bad partner for feeling that. I personally don't want to feel that kind of heavy and exhausting weight on my shoulders. Yes, my husband is a hero in my eyes and I am in awe of his bravery, determination and work ethic. The problem is that thinking that I am in his shadow makes me think I am less important, boring at best and repulsive at worst. I want to create feelings of confidence, energy and peace when I think about my life. In order to get those feelings I need to think thoughts like "I am valuable in my own right" "I do an amazing job taking care of my family" and "I can support my husband while still shining bright". I am here to tell you that you can reject any messaging that doesn't feel good to you and choose thoughts that give you confidence, power and joy.
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